Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I need a beard to bite.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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