Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
