I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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