i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
