i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
