wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
