I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
