The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
