So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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