just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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