guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
