Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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