I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
