Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
