we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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