so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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