he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
