it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
