I'm laying in your front yard are you home
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize