mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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