I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
