I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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