I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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