I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
