I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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