Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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