The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
