More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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