She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
