I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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