Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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