it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
