What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
