Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
