Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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