then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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