I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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