Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
