Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
