i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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