chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
