I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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