Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
