sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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