It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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