dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
