My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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