he puts the penis in happiness.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
