are you still at the devil's house?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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