dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
