you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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