Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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