people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
